War of the Cullen's
by vampyRN
Summary: A couple on the verge of a divorce after 10 yrs of marriage are miserable-occ-more inside-M for a reason- curse words and future lemon
1. Chapter 1

War of the Cullen's

**I do not, repeat for emphasis DO NOT own twilight, I used my real life story and changed that names to protect the innocent and just happened to pick some relatable entirely enjoyable names- p.s. My cat's name is Bella but I assure you this is not a story about my cat. **

…

"Hey." I call as I enter Rose and Emmett's house. We have been neighbors for years and we're best friends.

"Rose, come on I've got the boys double parked in the wagon outside, grab Caleb and lets roll." I yell from the foyer.

Nothing.

The stupid blonde bimbo is probably fixing her hair and make up just to play in the sand box with the kids. I roll my eyes and start hiking up the stairs.

I see Caleb in his room arms stretched over the gate. He is so cute, such a happy little boy with Emmett's playful personality, adorable dark curls and deep dimples.

"Come'er buddy, where is that mommy of yours, huh?" I coo and lift him over the gate and throw him on my hip.

"Let's go and find her and slap her around a bit shall we?" I tease. Caleb claps and giggles, he is just over one so I doubt he can understand.

"Rose!" I bellow throwing open the bedroom door; it thumps loudly into the wall and I see Emmett's very naked ass in the air between Rose's legs. I covered Caleb's eyes and back out of the room pulling the door closed

.

"Christ a nooner Rose, really?" I shout and hear shuffling on the other side of the door and suddenly Emmett throws the door open. He is shirtless standing in sweats that are on backward and inside out.

"umm, sorry Bells but I got an egg to fertilize." He jokes nodding his head back into the room where I could still hear Rose shuffling around.

"Ah ha. Well Caleb and I are just going to go down to the kitchen and burn out our retinas, bleach our brains and then join Jason and Nathan for a nice little walk to the park and play. Resume humping." I was fighting a smile when Emmett's face lit up. He closed the door and I heard him yell. "Drop those panties woman the impregnator is not finished with you." I stifle a laugh and take Caleb downstairs and outside.

"Your Mommy and Daddy are pervs, can you say pervs?" I croon to Caleb as I set him down in the wagon with my two boys. "Pers" he chirps and claps.

I stayed at the park for an extra long time before we packed up and headed back to Rose's to drop off Caleb. I got to the door and rang the bell, a few minute passed before Rose throws the door open.

"Why did you ring the bell?" she asked.

"You really have to ask that now that I have Emmett's naked ass burned into my brain? Before I come in is Cap'n get r preggers decent?" I joke.

She giggles and nods. "Your safe from Emmett's naked ass for now."

I laugh and drag the kids in. We get them settled in the family room with juice boxes and a snack and pop a movie in the DVD player. We each grab a bottled water from the fridge and sit at the kitchen table.

"So you guys are working on baby number two?" I ask even though I am quite sure of the answer.

"Yeah." Rose sighs all dreamy eyed.

I eye her cautiously and wonder to myself if baby lust is contagious.

"You know it always seems to happen in groups, one person you know gets pregnant and then bam a fetus epidemic. Everyone you know is either pregnant or knows someone that's pregnant. Don't get me wrong I love my boys but, my baby factory is closed ever since Nathan's fat ass pushed his way through my birth canal weighing eleven pounds and was only eighteen inches long, it was like pushing out a basketball literally." I rambled.

She laughed and looked out at the boys in the other room. "But their worth it." She sighed again.

"Ugh, your brain is full of baby batter, I'm outta hear." I stand to leave and notice Caleb and Nathan are slumped on the couch asleep and smile.

"Come on quit your bitching and stay for dinner." She smiles. "Call Edward and let him know to come here after work."

"He said he had to work late." I state flatly and nervously finger my bottle of water.

"Spit it out Bella." She demands and I shrug.

"You know how it is; the king of porn is always busy these days." I sigh and look away.

Edward is the president of a huge internet hosting company. Basically he keeps dudes in porn and takes a very hands on approach loading most of the sites himself and gives every site his personal approval. Customer satisfaction my ass, he like to look which is fine, it would just be nice if he came home and liked to touched.

"Okay honey." Rose smiled sadly at me and stood up to make dinner. Rose was always so good about giving me my space.

We finish dinner, hotdog-a-pus on top of Neptune's golden treasure basically Rose made hot dogs and mac and cheese and I got all goofy and cut the hot dogs into octopus to top the mac and cheese. It was ridiculous but the kids loved it and ate well. We said our good byes and packed up and went home.

I dumped the kids in the tub and grabbed my Cosmo to read while they played in the water. My boys are so awesome, Jason is five and Nathan is two. They look just like their father with crazy copper colored hair and bright green eyes. We called it mad scientist hair, it was completely unmanageable.

"Mommy Nathan just stuck a dinosaur up my butt." Jason yelled from the tub. I tucked my magazine under my arm and crawled over to the garden tub.

"Gimme the dino you little monster." I reached for Nate. The slipper little guy wiggled out of my grasp and plopped down in the tub sending water and bubbles everywhere.

"gggggggrrrrrrr." I growl at them and wipe my face off and drop my Cosmo into the water. Double fuck, I didn't even get to the sex your man in sixty ways article.

"Alright you little goobers, time to get out." I whine and lift Nathan out of the tub and dry him off first and he takes off into the living room. I dry Jason off and he took off to find Nathan. I cleaned all the water off the floor and drain the tub. Guh! I drop my Cosmo into the trash and the towels down the laundry shoot and follow the giggles to the living room.

Both my boys are running circles around the around the coffee table completely naked.

"What are you doing?" I try and fight a smile from forming. Jason stops and looks up with bright eyes.

"Mom, when you run your ding dong dances from side to side." He giggles and makes hand motions to show me what he means before he takes off again to chase after Nathan.

Ahhh nake time. Like I said just like their father. I wrestle the boys down and put them in their jammies and settled in to read them a story before I tuck them in and kiss them good night by myself again.

I make my way to the kitchen and grab one of Edward's beers and snuggle up on the couch to watch old episodes of That 70's show and fall asleep waiting up for Edward. When I wake up I stumble into our bedroom to see him already in bed fast asleep.

Asshole didn't even wake me up off the couch to come to bed. I flop down on the bed with more effort than necessary and roll myself into the blankets and pull them all onto my side of the bed and then reached behind me and jerked his pillow out from under his head.

"What the fuck Bella?" He grouches sleepily. I ignore him and keep my death grip on the blankets when he tries to pull them back and stick his pillow between my knees. He reaches over and manages to get his pillow back. I smile smugly I still got your blanket fucker.

AN: please review- it'll make me post an update faster!!!

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	2. Chapter 2

AN: Based on real events- names have been changed to protect the innocent.

"Bella, I don't have any clean socks in my drawer." Edward bellows down the stairs.

"And?" I ask and smile to myself. I guess someone should have told him I didn't do his laundry. He stomps down the stairs and through the kitchen into the laundry room.

"What the fuck, where are all my clean clothes?" he calls angrily.

I step into the doorway and point to the hamper "In there waiting for you to wash em." I spit.

"You are unbelievable, so you just stopped doing laundry now?" He barked.

"Don't be silly, I stopped doing your laundry sweetness." I purr with malice.

He stomped over to the hamper and pulled out a wad of clothes and stuffed the washing machine flicking it on. He mumbled the whole time "ri-fucking-diculous that I have to do your job."

I grabbed his coffee off the counter and poured it down the sink and stalked off to go and get ready for work. As I flat ironed my hair and got dressed I absolutely fumed. It took him two weeks to realize I had stopped doing his laundry. Something he never thanked me for. Just like everything else he just took and took like a greedy asshole. I worked while he got two bachelors degrees and dropped out of nursing school to have his children, it was even his fucking fault that neither of the children were a girl. Selfish prick, never says thank you.

I dropped the boys off at their respective schools and headed to work. I almost started to cry when Jason said it was embarrassing to kiss me where other people could see.

By the time I got to work I was in a foul mood and being fake nice to everyone on the phone made me want to throw up in my mouth. My job as an auto claims adjuster was completely thankless.

I made it to lunch, just barley avoiding my boss and his stupid obsession with telling that god awful rental car story. Today's claims had been especially trying and I was looking forward to a little work-wife therapy with Alice.

"Hey Al." I smile and sit across from her and snag a couple of her grapes.

"Hey Bella, you look rough." She smiles and grabs my box of cheese its.

"Ok, so right before lunch I get a call from Eloise." I start, Alice knows exactly who I'm referring to, Eloise is a claimant that one of our superhero policyholders backing into in a grocery store parking lot that was making a bodily injury claim. Bitch had twenty nine dollars in damage to her vehicle. Anyways Eloise calls me everyday to talk about getting paid for her pain and suffering.

"What?" She cocked her eyebrow.

"Yeah, so she says Ms. Bella." I mimic the drama of Eloise and get all breathy. "I just don't think I can go on any more with this pain in my scortums." I busted out with laughter with Alice.

"No she didn't!" Alice giggled. And I nodded.

"She totally did, she said it like five times. I told her if her scrotums hurt then this accident was the least of her problems and to make sure she call her attorney and tell him exactly what she told me." I giggled.

We talked about claims and other officey things and then got back to work. I wrapped up my day and headed home.

I got home in time to see everyone finishing dinner. What the hell he didn't even wait to feed the kids until I got home. Prick!

I grabbed an apple out of the fridge and stomped up the stairs. I changed into my running clothes and took a few bites of my apple before heading for the front door. I called out that I was going on a run and grabbed my Ipod. I untangled my head phones and as I walked toward the running trail behind the house I fired it up and looked for my angry music play list.

I love to unwind at the end of the day with loud angry music. I see a new play list and smile, Edward must have loaded the new song list I gave him a few weeks go.

I press play and begin to run as a new Muse song start. I smile, I love this song. Just as I'm getting into it the song stops and a new song comes on by the Ying Yang Twins, I must have pressed the button. Thirty seconds of that song plays and it switches again to Lady Gaga. I stop on the trail and take my Ipod out of my pocket and inspect it. Edward as taken all the songs on my Ipod and shorten them to thirty seconds each.

I am so furious I almost through my Ipod into the woods. I growl in frustration and get the hair eyeball from an old lady walking her dog as I jump around flailing my fists in the air.

What an unbelievable son of a pirate hooker.

After Edward disappeared into the basement for the night I went into the laundry room and finished his was for him and folded it all and left it in the laundry room. I want to bed by myself again. I didn't even bother to ask him to come up. If I asked him one of two things would happen. He would huff up the stairs and act like an infant or he would say he was coming up in a minute and I would fall asleep before he arrived, not that I wouldn't wait for him, but his minutes were like normal person hours.

I tossed and turned and when I did get up out of bed it was clear Edward had never made it upstairs. I frowned at his still made side of the bed.

I got in the shower and got the boys up and dressed and ready to head out the door when Edward flew up the stairs in a panic.

"I over slept, why didn't you wake me, I have a big client coming in today." He groused.

"I thought you had already left." I say sweetly.

"Fuck. I didn't finish my laundry." He mumbles pulling his hand through his hair; which causes it to stick in a million different directions.

"I took care of it. It's in the laundry room." I rush the kids out the front door. As I pull the front door shut he screams my name and comes stumbling into the kitchen door buttass naked.

"What did you do?" he growls.

"If you don't like the way I did your laundry, do it yourself." I shrug.

"You fucking sewed the legs to all my boxers closed." He states shaking his boxer briefs at me.

"Go commando." I dead pan. He huffs and turns away back toward the laundry room and I rush out the door and throw the kids in their car seats and get the fuck out of there before a very angry, very naked Edward ends up yelling at me in the front yard when he realizes I sewed the legs to all his pants shut as well and the arms to all his shirts.

Game. Fucking. On.

**AN: .Please review. let me know if i should continue**


	3. Chapter 3

AN:

When I get to work I have eleven angry voicemails and thirty two nasty text messages from Edward. I smirk to myself and shut my phone off and toss it on my desk and head to Alice's cube.

"Hey bitch!" I yell and she spins around in her chair.

"What up poptart?" she laughed. I rehash my morning with Edward and tell Alice to pick her chin up off the floor.

"Seriously, what is the deal with you two? He has always been up your ass 24/7 in love with you?" she asked.

"I know, I don't know what happen. I found myself thinking about divorce last night and that totally freaked me out." I stated.

"You guys have been together for a fucking fortnight for crying out loud, this is just a rough patch doll, you guys will work it out. Jasper and I had a rough patch and didn't have sex for like two weeks." She comforted.

"Two weeks is a cake walk." I scoff. "Little Ed hasn't seen my kitty in three months." Her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"That's spousal abuse!" she gasped.

"Nothing?" she asked. I shook my head. "Han Solo for three months and the last time wasn't anything to brag about."

"What are you gonna do?" she asked and I shrugged. "I'm gonna go deny me some claims." I gave her a wink and headed back to my desk.

I made the mistake of calling my mother on the drive home cried about everything and she asked me the one question I had never considered. "Is he cheating on you?" I trust Edward, even though we are fighting right now that thought never crossed my mind. I gave her the only answer I could. "I hope not."

I got home to discover that Edward has fed the kids before I got home again.

Asshole.

"Dudes!" I yell at the kids when I get into the playroom and the both run up and hug me and I ruffle their copper hair and flop onto the couch and watch them play different games.

Edward snuck off up stairs and didn't come back down so I put the kids in bed and decided to get on the computer and check my email and facebook. I powered on my laptop and waited…. I tried to load the internet and I got a skull and cross bones laughing at me. WTF?

I ran up stairs clutching my laptop to find Edward, not in the living room, not in the bedroom or the bathroom. I walked into the garage to see if his car was still there and it was. What the hell? Where is he?

I walked out onto the patio and he is sitting alone in the dark facing away from the house.

"What are you doing?" I ask

"Just sitting." He states

"Why are you sitting outside, in the dark?" I question. He just continues to sit not answering.

"Are you cheating on me?" I demand. He laughs.

"It's not fucking funny asshole, you ignore me all the time you haven't touched me in months and now your sitting outside in the dark with your cell phone." I complain. "Answer the question." I command.

"Nope." He says popping the p and runs his hands through this wild hair.

"Then what are you doing out here." I ask through gritted teeth. I wish I could just slap him. I can't stand his cool clam and collected bullshit.

"Smoking." He responds.

?!?!?!?!

"What? We don't smoke, that's disgusting and completely inappropriate with two kids in the house and expensive." I shriek. "That's a deal breaker."

"Well a) I'm not smoking in the house and the kids haven't seen me and b) what the fuck do you mean it's a deal breaker?" Edward said. I could tell he was becoming irritated.

"I don't want to be married to a smoker." I respond.

"Is that so." He raises his eye brows and waits.

"Edward I'm not happy, you're obviously not happy. Why don't you just move out?" I murmur.

"This is my house and I'm not going anywhere." He grits out. He stands from his chair and walks towards me. He looks hateful as he pushes past me and stomps into the house and takes off into the family room without another word.

I trudge up to our bedroom and throw his pillow into the hall before I lock the door and make my way into the bathroom for a long hot bath. I would never say our marriage was perfect, far from it. We have had our ups and downs but this is heartbreaking. It's like I don't even know him any more. I crawl into bed with a box of tissue and cry myself to sleep.

I wake up the next morning still alone in bed and fight back another round of angry tears. I make it down stairs to see he has already left for the day.

I take my laptop with me to work and will have Alec the IT guy take a look at it, since my own personal IT guy is being a selfish prick.

"You've got a virus Bella." Alec explains.

"How is that possible, my firewall is supposed to be hacker proof." I say remembering Edward bragging endlessly about his mad skills when he networked the house a few years before.

"I don't know, everything I try is tossed out. I can't even get to the firewall to check it to see what type of virus it is." Alec shook his head in amazement. "I've never seen a virus like this before. Can I borrow your laptop and show my boss, I think he would be impressed." He asked excitedly. I agreed and went back to my desk.

As I sat at my desk it hit me, Edward must have done that to my laptop, it was the only explanation. I opened my work email and sent him a message.

**WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY COMPUTER? **

It took a few minutes but my mail box finally dinged with a new message.

**LOVE STINKS.**

As I read his message over and over again I was not closer to figuring out what it meant and huffed at the screen and decided I had better get to work.

At lunch Alec came downstairs looking triumphant and handed me back my computer.

"Did you fix it?" I asked hopefully.

"Nope, but I figured it out. It's a virus and we can't get around it and in fact when we moved the hard drive to another computer that computer went down but before it did the screen flashed love stinks so that's what were calling it." He stated with defeat.

That cigarette smoking mother fucker I fumed. I called Alice "I need your help with a little payback."

AN: Please review


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: all true- don't own anything **

Alice skipped over to my desk and perched on the edge with her arms folded over her petite frame. "So who has earned the wrath of Bella?" she snickered with a wicked grin.

"Who else but Fuckward himself." I scoffed and explained the whole love stinks sabotage.

"This has gotta be good Bells, like ring the door bell junk punch good!" she squealed.

"I know. He may wear the pants but I'm going to show that motherfucker who bought'em!" I laugh.

We spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of thing we could do laughing inappropriately loud for work. At the end of the day I left with my brain full of ideas and couldn't help but get started.

I stopped into a cyber café on my drive home and sat down with a large coffee at one of the terminals and logged on to a website Alice suggested called buttluvers. When the web page loaded I turned red with embarrassment hoping no one was watching me and really curious as to how Alice had come across this site.

With specific instructions I pulled out my credit card and ordered the biggest fake cock on the site. It was lime green had four adjustable speeds and faux texture balls for that natural sensation. Shudder.

**Phase 1 complete**. I text Alice and she immediately replied. **Muwa ha ha. **God I love that silly bitch.

Dinner was over when I got home. This was becoming a really annoying routine. I changed my clothes and slammed around the house doing the dishes and cleaning the bathrooms while Edward played with the kids and got them ready for bed.

I hugged and kissed my boys and Jason asked if mommy and daddy are going to get a divorce like Chase's mom and dad. I hugged him harder and ignored the questions and simply said. "Mommy and Daddy love you and Nate no matter what." He smiled and nodded and fell back into his blankets which I pulled up around his shoulders and gave him another kiss.

Saddened by Jason's questions I went into Edwards office prepared for a knock down all out fucking fight. I marched over to where he sat at the computer and stood expectantly with my hands on my hips.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I growled.

"Not now Bella, I'm working."

I tried to get him to engage in my need for a petty screaming hissing fight but his kung fu was strong, he managed to ignore my bullshit so I huffed upstairs and slamming doors on my way and throwing his pillow and blanket into the hall. Another annoying new routine.

I pulled out my phone and called Rose. Damn voicemail. I called Alice. Damn voicemail. I need someone to just listen and agree with everything I said and tell me what a jerk off Edward was being. That he was throwing away ten years of marriage. How could he act like he didn't love me. When I pull the last tissue from the box I laughed this was quite the pity party I was throwing myself.

I decided to make myself feel better and crept downstairs to the kitchen where Edward had plugged his cell phone in earlier. A wicked grin spread across my face as I snatched it up and dashed into the front room and sat on the floor in front of the sofa just out of view.

I scrolled through his contacts before deciding to message Jasper. Alice would totally laugh when she saw this.

**Hey man I just wanted to tell you you're special to me - E. **I fought to control my giggles as I hit send and waited for a reply.

**Thanks man -J**.

**I think you have a nice body too-E. **This time I was gasping with semi silent laughs.

**Dude are u drunk??-J**

**No-E**

**Well I got shit to do. Later-J**

I dashed into the kitchen and put his phone back on the charger and skittered upstairs and managed to get into the bathroom before collapsing on the floor in a fit of laughter. I collected myself a little when my phone chirped.

"Hey Alice." I breathed.

"That was priceless!"

"I know right!" and we both laughed for a minute before hanging up.

The next afternoon at work my package arrived and I rushed over to Alice's desk. "Ok the thingy is here." I said looking around to make sure no one was watching.

"Awesome." She smiled. We went into the mailroom and asked this kid Seth to deliver the package to Edward. I was eight shades of red as Alice whipped out the lime green monstrosity loaded it with batteries and gave Seth instruction to turn it on high just before he went into the building and tape the top closed.

His eyes were huge as he took in the size of the dildo in Alice's tiny hands. I offered to pay him but he declined saying it was going to be too hilarious and he shoved the package under his arm and headed out with directions to Edward's office in his hand.

**EPOV**

**(originally this was going to be all Bella but I asked my husband to help me with this since he went through it too.)**

I was sitting in the conference room with Sam and Jake and we were going over the sales projections and server space and the cost of something Jake thought we needed. His girl Leah had just loaded and sold a site called 'Chicks on toilets' and we need to brainstorm and come up with more fetish type stuff because people like really freak fucking stuff.

As we were wrapping up my receptionist Jessica poked her head in and said I had a package. "Leave it in my office." I instructed. She shook her head and opened the door wider and said the currier said it had to be hand delivered to the recipient.

A dark haired boy pushed past her with a long brown box and walked right up to me.

"Edward Cullen?" I nodded and he set the box on the table and stood back. The box shimmied across the table top toward Jake. He jumped back from the table and sent his chair into the wall. I looked at the boy and he was smirking but making no moves to leave. "What the fuck is this?" I demanded and he shrugged his shoulders.

Sam reached out and tapped the box sending it sliding back to where I sat cocking an eyebrow at me daring me to open it. I lightly touched the sides and looked at it front all the angles before picking it up and studying it more closely. It shook in my hands the whole time.

"If this is a bomb you had better hope it kills me or I will kill you." I sneered at the kids as his eyes twinkled with mischief. I took a deep breath and turned the box long ways and pulled open the bottom. I saw a bright green blur drop from the box as Jake, Sam and I all leaned away. A hard thump sounded on the table. My jaw dropped in horror as the incredible hulks cock danced and vibrated around the table.

I looked up and saw the boy ducking out of the door and before I could catch him he was out the front door and on his way. I brushed past Jessica, Jake and Sam who were all still watching the big green dick and creased with laughter. I marched to the table and grabbed it, I couldn't figure out how to shut it of so I pulled the batteries out of it.

"What the fuck?" I asked Jake and Sam. Then I growled at Jess. "Go find something to do."

"Wasn't me." Jake shook his head and we both looked at Sam. That fucker was still laughing so hard he couldn't speak. He shook his head and waved his hands in front of him.

"Is that like the international sign for 'I didn't do it'?" I barked and he laughed harder which caused Jake to start again.

"Fuckers!" I grabbed the giant dick and stocked off to my office were I threw it in my bottom draw along with the batteries.

**AN: after 3 round of marriage counseling my hubs and I think this stuff is funny so I got his help for Edwards POV. I wasn't feeling this story after the first chapter, this feels better. **


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of my week was painfully quiet. Edward and I avoided and ignored each other for the most part.

I woke up early on Saturday and slipped out of the house for a little retail therapy. I had been in Macy's for a few hours digging through the clearance racks and was ready to go in search of a Starbucks.

Making my way to the checkout with two armfuls dumping it all onto the counter in front of a snotty teenager that rolled her eyes so much I thought she may have a freaking twitch or something. When it was all rung up I handed the girl my credit card and she slid it through and grunting and sliding it two, three times.

"This is coming back as declined Mrs. Cullen." She said and handed the card back with yet another eyeroll. What the hell? I handed her my debt card and it also came back declined. "Do you have cash?" she sneered. I dug through my purse and only came up with seven dollars and a pack of gum.

"No, sorry I don't know what happened." I said softly completely humiliated I rushed out the door. My face was burning with embarrassment and anger. I drove home in record time and stomped into the house. I found Edward glued to his precious computer and rolled my eyes. Fucking snotty teenagers and contagious eye rolling.

"What the fuck." I barked. He turned in his chair and smirked at me.

"Watch your mouth in front of the kids." I saw red and before I could stop myself, before I even registered what I was doing I grabbed a Poptart off the table and chucked it at his head and nailed him in the temple. The breakfast pastry bounced off his head and skidded across the floor and came to rest near my feet. God that felt good.

"What is your problem!?" He shouted rubbing at his forehead.

"You! What did you do to my credit cards?" I demanded.

"I didn't see your purse this morning and you left your cell phone here so I couldn't ask you where you went and to be safe I assumed your purse was stolen so I called all the cards in stolen for you." He explained. "You're welcome." He added in a sing song tone.

I threw my arms up in aggravation and they fell back to my sides with a loud slap on my thighs. "You dumb-ass! my purse was with me, functioning as a purse, you know holding money while I shopped with the intent of spending money." I condescend.

"Huh. Maybe if you would have told someone where you were going I would have known that." He said keeping an innocent expression on his face. "ASSHOLE" I seethe gaining a reproachful look from a very self satisfied Edward.

As I turned to leave frustrated beyond reason he spoke again. "I'm going to a networking event tonight."

"What? Where?" I asked a little thrown off by his statement. He had never gone to a 'networking event' before.

"It's at Daddy-O's at seven so don't take off" he stated.

"Who are you going with?" I demanded.

"No one, just me." He shrugged and turned back around to the computer and put his headphones on ending the conversation. I stormed up the stairs into our bedroom and threw myself onto the bed to fume. What the fuck! He never takes me any where and never goes out by himself. I mean it's been months since he's agreed to go out with Em and Rose.

I got off the bed and scrubbed at my face stretching out my body from side to side. I catch sight of Edward's wallet, cell phone and keys on top of his dresser. . My breathing hitched and my guts twisted. I can't help the nagging feeling that he is up to something and it doesn't help that my mother keeps asking me if he is cheating.

God that's just not something I want to face. I don't know if I'm strong enough to forgive him but I know I could never walk away from him. I can't stop myself I grab his wallet and cell phone and lock myself in the bathroom and dig through it. I check his cell phone for numbers I don't recognize and his wallet for receipts. I found nothing that shouldn't be there.

What the fuck, he's not up to something. Damn it, if he was up to something I would have something to work with and then like a light bulb turning on I decide he is up to something he's just really good at hiding it. He really is making me a paranoid mess.

Well, we'll see how far you get at your 'networking party' with out your wallet, fucker. I pulled all the cash out of his wallet and stuff it in the front pocket of my jeans. He can't go to the bar tonight without his driver's license I smirk and sneak across the hallway into Jason's room and hide the wallet in the back of his closet.

I rush down the stairs and make the kids lunch and Edward stays glued to the computer. When the boys are finished I yell into the computer room. "I gotta run to the store for pull ups and dish soap. I'll be back in an hours of so."

Before he can stop me I'm out the door and backing out of the garage. I headed for The Mart and took my time looking around. I finally make it home at a quarter to seven having spent the last six dollars at Dairy Queen on a treat for me and the boys.

"Nice Bella, you knew I wanted to be some where at seven." He crabbed. He looked lickable. He was clean shaven and had product in his tousled hair and was wearing a very snug pull over and squeeze my ass jeans. Asshole all he ever wore for me was track pants and his 'Your in the presence of genius' t-shirt.

"Traffic." I stated simply explaining away a four hour trip to The Mart.

"Whatever. Where is my wallet?" he demanded.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Where did you put it?"

"I put it on my dresser and it's not there." He demanded.

I made a pout face "Ah, and I bet you need your wallet to get into the bar. That stinks sugar nuts." I reply coyly.

"Don't fucking play games with me I know you took it." He hissed. I shrugged my shoulders and herded the boys into the TV room to watch a movie and pig out on ice cream. I smiled to myself as I heard Edward rummaging around through kitchen drawers and slamming things around upstairs in a desperate search for his wallet.

He looked slightly unhinged when he came back into the family room. "Do you have any cash?" I shook my head no. "I need six dollar for the cover, where is your purse?" he growled through clenched teeth. His eyes were nearly black with anger.

I tossed my purse at him and he caught it deftly and dug through it for my wallet. When he found it to be empty as I had claimed he threw it on the floor and spun on his heel out of the room. I heard the spare change jar rattle and coins spill onto some surface in the kitchen. That stupid prick is going to a bar and paying the cover in change I could feel my jaw dropped in shock at his unyielding attempt to leave me.

My eyes burned with tears as I listened to the garage door groan and the engine of his car roar to life. I really am losing him.


	6. Chapter 6

6

I paced the floor of the front room. It's 10pm do you know where your husband is? I joke to myself. Not funny I frown, I actually don't. I had just got the kids settled and in bed and here I was pacing like a caged animal watching for headlights to come over the hill.

GRRR! GRRR! GRRR! I grumbled to myself. I can't just sit here and do nothing I have to do something. I stopped pacing when I saw the light at Rose and Em's still on. Grabbing my cell I dialed Rose.

"Hey, can you come over and sit with the boys for an hour?" I ask and held my breath waiting for her to call me out on why I needed an emergency babysitter. She knew Edward had gone out alone from my earlier crisis calls to her this afternoon.

"Ok, honey whatever you need. I'll be over in a minute." God bless my non-judgey friend!

Rose came over in her pjs and raided the fridge for her payment of beer before wrapping me in a hug and telling me everything would be fine. I hugged her back hard; I couldn't ask for better friends without them I would be lost in this.

I grabbed my purse and the spare keys to Edward's Volvo and set out to do… Well I still wasn't sure what, so far I had envisioned a Starsky and Hutch type stakeout to catch that shady mother fucker in the act.

It took about twenty minutes to find Daddy-O's. I pulled into the tiny parking lot avoiding all the kids that were walking around. God they all look so young. I circled the parking lot a few times and it was full so I followed a few other cars out across the street to an open lot and pulled into a spot. I cut the lights and watched the door for a few minutes.

I could see a bunch of people hanging out sitting on the hoods of nearby vehicles and they looked really young, like high school. I got out of the car and approached some of them.

"Hey, have you guys been inside yet?" I questioned.

"Yeah." I heard several voices answer then one boy snickered and asked if I was looking for a date and waggled his eyebrows at me.

"No thank you, I was going to met someone here, what is the age to get in." I prayed it was dark enough they would think I looked closer to twenty than thirty. One of the girls rolled her eyes. Fucking teenagers.

"It's an all ages club lady." She smirked.

"Ok thanks." I waved and walked toward the club. I approached the front that was guarded by a beefy looking dude and decided I had pushed my luck far enough. I couldn't peer inside from the sidewalk and I didn't have the cover charge.

As I crossed the street to head back to my car I dug Edward's keys out of my purse and hit the alarm button on the remote. I hadn't scene his car maybe he wasn't even here. His car burst to life with horns and lights and I quickly silenced it.

I walked over to his car and climbed into the passenger seat and dug through the compartments and papers. Nothing. I leaned over into the driver side and released the hood. I opened the hood and pulled the cables from the battery and then disconnected the starter. God bless my Dad for making me take auto shop in high school. I dropped the hood with a loud bang and strutted back to my car.

I settled myself into my car and pulled out my cell phone. "Hi, Triple A my car broke down and I need it towed to the dealership." I ended my roadside call and sat back and waited.

The tow driver arrived before I caught sight of Edward so I went over and gave the tow driver my member card, the keys and directions for the dealership. I watched the club door carefully as Edward's car was loaded onto the flatbed and driven off. I gave the car a sad little wave as it was hauled past me.

"I hope you had fun tonight ASSHOLE!" I yelled to no one from inside my car before pulling away to head home.

When I got home Rose was three beer into babysitting and watching Jerry Springer.

"I didn't figure you for a Springer Fan?" I teased.

"Well I'm originally from Arkansas, so I watch to see my family members." She laughed loudly. I slumped onto the couch next to her and snag her full beer taking a long pull.

Rose leaned her head on my shoulder and I leaned back resting my head on hers.

"You wanna talk about it?" I shook my head no. I didn't want to admit to anyone how low I had sunk; that I had let my immature conspiracy theory brain get away from me.

Fuck, I was a Mother, a good mother but I was pulling pranks on their father because I was jealous and petty and mean. I had become mean.

I sighed. Rose patted my knee and we sat like that until my cell phone buzzed. I didn't need to look at the display I knew it was Edward. I glanced at the clock. 1am. I shifted away from Rose only then realizing she had fallen asleep. She rubbed her face and stretched. With a little wave she headed for the door. My phone began to buzz again as soon as the door clicked behind her.

"Hello?"

"My fucking car was stolen." He seethed into the phone.

"Oh?" I mumbled.

"The police took my report over the phone. I need you to come and get me." The silence was deafening as he waited for my answer.

"I have the kids asleep, you can't expect me to wake them up to get you." Surprising myself with the venom in my voice.

"Fine." He ground out disconnecting the call.

I saw headlights flood the window with light about an hour later and peaked out our bedroom window to see Edward climb out of Jake's car. The front door slammed loudly and I heard him stomp around downstairs for a few minutes before the house became silent again.

He didn't even attempt to come to bed. Fuming I stormed down the steps and into the family room where he was laying across the couch in nothing but his boxer brief.

"Not now Bella."

"No, I think now Edward." I hissed. "You can't avoid me forever, I'm sick of this. I am sick and fucking tired of your put-upon attitude and cold fucking shoulder. What the fuck is your deal?"

"Despite the look on my face you keep talking." He growled. He never moved from the couch. I could make out the tense line of his jaw in the shadows. I could feel the tension rolling off of him.

"I think you should leave, just move out." My voice was shaking trying to hold back all the hurt and anger I felt. "Every time you avoid and evaded my questions, I can't take this anymore."

He turned his face way refusing to look in my direction. I waited for him to respond but he never did. I gave up and went back upstairs refusing to break in front of him.

I cried myself to sleep again.


End file.
